This journal entry was written at four weeks post surgery (August 2018). I allowed myself to get lost in words and let my heart do the translating. I loved reading back over this. Vulnerability is so incredibly important.
Out of nowhere tears fill my eyes. My heart swells and an abundance of ready tears roll down my face. My heart is broken yet perfectly in tact. I think its disbelief?
It’s pain needing to escape because ‘everyday life’ can ensure our emotions stay safely clasped away. Clasped away until the beauty of solace and divine timing loosen the clasps and allow those beautiful cracks in my heart to bleed and be freed.
The trickles down my cheek as the tears dry away… The remaining two to three drops fall at snails pace, bit-by-bit – so very present. The cool bead of salt water that sits on my cheek represents so much: harshness yet softness, fear yet readiness, pain yet acceptance, disbelief yet peace.
My heart feels relief when the tears flow freely – a trigger with no need for unravelling or explanation, the reason not required. Simply trusting in the magic of my own knowing, my own intuition and guided by my heart for the release that is required and when.
I need my soft and delicate tears, I need my vulnerability, I need to feel my pain, tenderness and I need to acknowledge my fears… For my spirit is strong, I experience adversity exactly how I choose and I get by without losing my soul as I have in the past. The tears, they keep me grounded, they keep me soft and kind and open.
Without health we have nothing and when that is threatened and your pattern of disease has you fearfully questioning your future and the faith in your body, then it is my heart I hold and my spirit I use with the power of my mind to breathe, my senses, my gratitude and my being – presence.
One life, whatever will be will be and for this moment as I breathe deeply – the right now, well this is where you will always fine me – in the majestic sparkle and powerful magic of the present moment…
Where the past cannot hurt me; and
The future cannot scare me; and
I hold the cards of choosing – the cards of gratitude.
Only I hold my beautiful life in my tender hands as my heart beats to the magic of life.
Love Bec x
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