All posts filed under: Cancer Diaries

Release…

This journal entry was written at four weeks post surgery (August 2018).  I allowed myself to get lost in words and let my heart do the translating.  I loved reading back over this. Vulnerability is so incredibly important. ______________________ Dear Diary, Out of nowhere tears fill my eyes.  My heart swells and an abundance of ready tears roll down my face. My heart is broken yet perfectly in tact.  I think its disbelief? It’s pain needing to escape because ‘everyday life’ can ensure our emotions stay safely clasped away.  Clasped away until the beauty of solace and divine timing loosen the clasps and allow those beautiful cracks in my heart to bleed and be freed. The trickles down my cheek as the tears dry away… The remaining two to three drops fall at snails pace, bit-by-bit – so very present.  The cool bead of salt water that sits on my cheek represents so much:  harshness yet softness, fear yet readiness, pain yet acceptance, disbelief yet peace. My heart feels relief when the tears flow freely – …

Dear Diary… Farewell Breasts

Day 5 – Farewell Breasts I remember writing this – I was at the sunshine coast on my own with three nights away from normal life, my routine and even the kids weren’t with me.  I’d been diagnosed one week prior.  This trip was planned as a solo ‘retreat’ just some simple time away, alone before I was even re-diagnosed… a gift that ended up perfectly timed.  It was a time for solitude when I was in the early days of facing breast cancer for a second time.  I didn’t know what exactly was ahead of me; at that point I was just taking day by day and emotionally preparing for my bilateral mastectomy. A journal Entry… This was 2 days shy of my four year anniversary ‘cancer free’– and boy did falling short of that milestone hurt – It hurt so bad. _________________________ 28 June 2018 Dear Diary, The remembering, the reminiscing and the present moment where I sit right now – Waves crashing meters away… Sitting calm, but knowing wholeheartedly that I need to …

Hart Truths – Part 3

If you missed Part 1 and 2 of this blog, you can catch up: Part 1 HERE Part 2 HERE _______________________ Hard Truth 4 Dear Diary… 19 August 2014 “When I’m happy, I seem to be REALLY happy, because to me these little moments of bliss are wondrous. I smile bigger and nearly feel like I could bounce around. It’s ecstasy. Because when I feel good, it’s an absolute blessing. I have now felt rock bottom, so I see a whole new happiness and embracement of life that I didn’t see before.” *Hard Truth:  The Little things are the big things. We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s the little things”, however, don’t just say it because you’ve heard it and you know what it means…  Often sayings like these are thrown about and not given any conscious thought – You need to truly FEEL it, you need to recognise these little moments of bliss that come to us daily.  These moments truly are what magic’s made of. Reflection 1 (after first cancer):  I think I …

Hard Truths – Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of this blog, you can read it HERE Hard Truth 2 Dear Diary… 6 August 2014  (After my first chemo) “I had been building on the mindset with regard to the drugs (chemo)… Poison or cure? The more I thought of poison the more negativity and anger pent up inside me, making me anxious and not ready! Not ready for what??? I want and need to be here, I love and appreciate my life, I need to fight and to do that I NEED chemotherapy!” *Hard Truth: Accept what is.  Accept what you cannot change.  [Rise to adversity and maneuver your way through the ‘detour’ until you find a new road]. Save your energy in fighting against what you cannot change.  Accept and adapt to whatever adversity has thrown you off course. I believe before my diagnosis I spent way too much time fighting against things that could not be changed.  I can also tell you first hand, that this causes unnecessary stress and illness. Reflection 1 (after first cancer):  whilst you …

Hard Truths – Part 1

I wrote the initial blog ‘5 hard truths’ two years ago (based on diary entries from 2014).  Fast forward to 2018, I’ve since faced another breast cancer diagnosis in June of this year.  Over the past month I’ve had a chance to review and reflect on previous material from my blog. It’s through the reflection of these ‘Hard Truths’ that brought tears to my eyes… Three-fold: Firstly, it’s re-living that raw pain through the words of my diary entries and vividly remembering how I once felt (some of those entries, still break my heart). Secondly, the reflection is with gratitude… I’m so freaking proud of how far I have come and how I’ve learnt to deal with fear and uncertainty. And finally, I appreciate how these truths are still relevant to me, to you; to anyone, and these ‘truths’ I extracted from my experiences are timeless, universal lessons with relevance to any situation. Furthermore, ‘5 Hard Truths’ was born through my experience of pain, suffering and indescribable fear – it’s through my real life experience …

Welcome to Blogtober 2.0

Day 1 – Welcome I first created Blogtober in 2016, two years after my first breast cancer diagnosis. I set it as both a challenge to myself, which was driven by my passion as a young breast cancer advocate, as well as desire through my love to write. [Since then, I’ve had a second diagnosis of breast cancer and am currently in the first stage of breast reconstruction post bilateral-mastectomy.] You see, when I started to ‘Google’ information after I was diagnosed just after my thirtieth birthday, I couldn’t find any relevant information that pertained to my age category. Instead, everything seemed to be for women 50+ years of age. Even the statistics were not relatable. I found having breast cancer at a young age was incredible isolating. Not only there is a lack of information specifically relevant to a younger demographic, but there was also a lack of people to connect with. As a result of successfully completing Blogtober in 2016, I ended up with a significant ‘catalogue’ of information that others could access. …

A Hiccup in my Reconstructive Process…

Three video diaries recorded on 19th September 2018 I’m sadly having a little hiccup in my reconstructive process at present <insert sad face>. My videos will explain what is going on. Video 1 – On the way to my surgeon, I explain the hiccup/glitch/set-back I am experiencing and what I anticipate for that appointment. Video 2 – Straight after my appointment – WARNING – I actually shed a few tears during this video, I thought I was ok, then I started talking and I realised I wasn’t.  It was an emotional release that highlighted that what I am am experiencing is extremely disheartening for me. Video 3 – I check back in after the tears with a little more perspective and acceptance – Feeling a little more balanced and refreshed.       So there you go – there’s the latest with where I am up to on this crazy adventure that life through Breast Cancer has asked me to go on… Please pray/keep your fingers crossed that I can heal up naturally and get …

Tissue-Expander Fill – Breast Reconstruction

A video diary from 30th and 31st August 2018 Here you will find two video diaries where I take you through the experience of my ‘fills’ – my emotions, my thoughts and also an explanation of the overall process. This is the first phase of breast reconstructive surgery post bilateral mastectomy to prepare the skin ahead of the exchange surgery in a few months. Video diary 1 – 30th August – The night before my fill   Video diary 2 – 31st August – 10 minutes after my fill   Love Bec x

Too Much Too Soon

Sometimes we want to bounce back from various facets of life that have temporarily put the brakes on things.  For me, I found myself under the weather (as you will see in the below video diary) just shy of my 6 weeks post surgery.  Life had to resume to some form of normality (well so I thought) and I was jumping out of my skin to get everything in terms of family life and routine back on track, after I’d been down and out from my second diagnosis of breast cancer and my subsequent surgery for a bilateral mastectomy – I was just craving normal. Goes to show, if we ‘jump’ too soon, our body will certainly pull us up.  Here’s my diary about the message my body sent me to ‘woo up’!  You just can’t rush some things – patience is a virtue!   Slow things down if your body is telling you it needs a break!! Love Bec x

The Day Before My Bilateral Mastectomy…

Well the time has come where I am saying, “One more sleep!”  Tomorrow I embark on the first stage of kicking cancer to the curb for the second time.  Around lunch time tomorrow, I will be undergoing a bilateral mastectomy, sentinel node biopsy and the first stage of reconstructive surgery. I’ve recorded another video diary during the blissful afternoon I had at home (alone).  I am so blessed that my family respected my need for space this afternoon to do what I need to do to get my mind ready for tomorrow.  In saying that, I wasn’t even sure what it was I needed to do, but my goodness I’m so glad I had some down time, some quiet time to myself. You can even tell I was relaxed during the recording, because when I watched it back, I was talking soooooo slowly – so clearly I was very zen! Yay! My afternoon that followed the below video diary was incredible.  I was able to cry, move slowly, pack my bag, listen to music, watch …