All posts tagged: Journal

The Bad Days

I was reviewing journal entries when I came across one in particular… the pit of my stomach immediately dropped, I felt sick and reading the words took me back to a place where I wasn’t ‘good’. It’s an angry day, a poor me day and reading it back, pains me with sadness I’m going so well now, however, this is a dark reminder of the pain anyone endures in a battle against cancer. Today and the next two days touch on subjects that aren’t lollipops and rainbows.  Whilst my outlook on life is one to be excited about, it wasn’t always like that.  In terms of raising awareness, I owe it to fellow fighters, survivors and lifers to paint a picture of reality as well as the joys when you finally get out the other side. Please enjoy (maybe ‘enjoy’ is not the right word, maybe… please watch with an open mind and consider all people who have faced adversity of some sort).  The first of three in this series…

I’m Only Human

I have procrastinated in terms of what topic I am going to write today. Some days I pre-organise a few blogs (which takes all day) and other days I just see what I feel… and type. I have a loose list of subjects in which I aim to cover during ‘Blog-tober’, however, it holds enough flexibility that I can work on what I’m feeling rather than what is scheduled. If I’m too rigid, I end up with writers block because I HAVE to write about a particular topic. My words come straight from my heart so if I’m not naturally feeling something, it is just not going to convey as authentically. Today – I am human. I have been blogging for fourteen days straight. When I said I set myself a challenge, I certainly did. Writing every single day to a standard I am happy with is a job which keeps me busy, busy, busy. Today I’ve prepped an upcoming blog, but I’m not in the mind-set to put the final polish on my work. …

Dear Mind + Body

You can see the foreword to this journal entry   >>>HERE<<< 23 October 2015 Dear Diary, And I said this to my body… “I want to be your friend” It took a long breath and replied… “I have been waiting my whole life for this” I read the above this morning on Instagram. So simple… so beautiful. It is time for my mind and body to make amends and to become friends again. I want my mind and body to be succinct; I want them to interact positively, to have fun and to feel free in a loving and accepting relationship with one another. I want the mind to have more confidence and acceptance of the body, I want the mind to have respect and admiration for the body and I want my body to have patience with my mind as it learns to love and accept itself as a whole once more. I want this relationship to be unconditional. My body endured cancerous cells multiplying and invading my lymph system, it helped show me …

Why did I get cancer?

12 September 2014 – My Journal (written in the midst of chemotherapy) Lots of deep thoughts for this journal entry and something that I have been thinking about a lot since my diagnosis and it goes something like this… Why did I get cancer? I know that there is no definitive scientific answer to this question and I’m not particularly spiritual either. Religious to an extent, however, I don’t actively practice (I don’t go to church every week). After diagnosis, I became very distanced from the ‘Catholic’ beliefs and angry as to why this has happened to me. I guess it’s natural to want to blame someone. These angry feelings have subsided and I’ve come to accept that this (the cancer) is real, it is happening and I don’t need anger at God getting in the way of my recovery. But the question still begs at me… why did I get cancer? IT IS without a doubt the most obvious question anyone in my position would be asking. You then continue on the obvious arguments …