All posts tagged: Journal

Release…

This journal entry was written at four weeks post surgery (August 2018).  I allowed myself to get lost in words and let my heart do the translating.  I loved reading back over this. Vulnerability is so incredibly important. ______________________ Dear Diary, Out of nowhere tears fill my eyes.  My heart swells and an abundance of ready tears roll down my face. My heart is broken yet perfectly in tact.  I think its disbelief? It’s pain needing to escape because ‘everyday life’ can ensure our emotions stay safely clasped away.  Clasped away until the beauty of solace and divine timing loosen the clasps and allow those beautiful cracks in my heart to bleed and be freed. The trickles down my cheek as the tears dry away… The remaining two to three drops fall at snails pace, bit-by-bit – so very present.  The cool bead of salt water that sits on my cheek represents so much:  harshness yet softness, fear yet readiness, pain yet acceptance, disbelief yet peace. My heart feels relief when the tears flow freely – …

Dear Diary… Farewell Breasts

Day 5 – Farewell Breasts I remember writing this – I was at the sunshine coast on my own with three nights away from normal life, my routine and even the kids weren’t with me.  I’d been diagnosed one week prior.  This trip was planned as a solo ‘retreat’ just some simple time away, alone before I was even re-diagnosed… a gift that ended up perfectly timed.  It was a time for solitude when I was in the early days of facing breast cancer for a second time.  I didn’t know what exactly was ahead of me; at that point I was just taking day by day and emotionally preparing for my bilateral mastectomy. A journal Entry… This was 2 days shy of my four year anniversary ‘cancer free’– and boy did falling short of that milestone hurt – It hurt so bad. _________________________ 28 June 2018 Dear Diary, The remembering, the reminiscing and the present moment where I sit right now – Waves crashing meters away… Sitting calm, but knowing wholeheartedly that I need to …

Approaching Bilateral Mastectomy…

Hi again – I’m back with another video diary.  Take a look below, I know as a writer, I have mostly just blogged and written in a traditional sense… yet I’m finding a peaceful and therapeutic benefit in doing these video diaries.  Writing takes time and energy and for me, I’m either naturally drawn to it (that’s when I do my best work) or I’m not.  Lately, the thought of typing out my emotions is just not calling me.  Yet to film whatever comes to mind is seeming to prove a beneficial process for me (whether people watch or not). To update my readers if you’re not on Instagram.  I have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer again.  This diagnosis comes just shy of my four year anniversary which was brutal news to hear.  My previous blog post HERE is my first video diary where I begin to share what the experience is like second time around. Bec x   P.S. I’m having a lot of trouble uploading my videos and making them small enough to share …

Breast Cancer… AGAIN!

This video diary was unplanned and somewhat just happened.  In a split second I felt compelled to talk (and I was alone) so I chose to record myself.  I didn’t have a plan of what to say or whether there would be a theme of any sort, I think sometimes you just (well, me as a writer does anyway) have this overwhelming need to get an idea or a passing thought down on paper.  I love journalling and this is exactly that.  It’s not exciting, its just real – it’s me talking candidly about my new diagnosis and how I’m coping with it.  This video diary in the very moment of recording (Friday 29th July 2018 at 6.02pm), made me feel less alone and less inside my own head – it was extremely therapeutic.   Big ideas for blogs, for my book, or just in general come to me all the time, yet sometimes through the formality of writing and structuring, it can become too edited, too perfected.  In this video blog… it’s just me …

The Bad Days

I was reviewing journal entries when I came across one in particular… the pit of my stomach immediately dropped, I felt sick and reading the words took me back to a place where I wasn’t ‘good’. It’s an angry day, a poor me day and reading it back, pains me with sadness I’m going so well now, however, this is a dark reminder of the pain anyone endures in a battle against cancer. Today and the next two days touch on subjects that aren’t lollipops and rainbows.  Whilst my outlook on life is one to be excited about, it wasn’t always like that.  In terms of raising awareness, I owe it to fellow fighters, survivors and lifers to paint a picture of reality as well as the joys when you finally get out the other side. Please enjoy (maybe ‘enjoy’ is not the right word, maybe… please watch with an open mind and consider all people who have faced adversity of some sort).  The first of three in this series…

I’m Only Human

I have procrastinated in terms of what topic I am going to write today. Some days I pre-organise a few blogs (which takes all day) and other days I just see what I feel… and type. I have a loose list of subjects in which I aim to cover during ‘Blog-tober’, however, it holds enough flexibility that I can work on what I’m feeling rather than what is scheduled. If I’m too rigid, I end up with writers block because I HAVE to write about a particular topic. My words come straight from my heart so if I’m not naturally feeling something, it is just not going to convey as authentically. Today – I am human. I have been blogging for fourteen days straight. When I said I set myself a challenge, I certainly did. Writing every single day to a standard I am happy with is a job which keeps me busy, busy, busy. Today I’ve prepped an upcoming blog, but I’m not in the mind-set to put the final polish on my work. …

Dear Mind + Body

You can see the foreword to this journal entry   >>>HERE<<< 23 October 2015 Dear Diary, And I said this to my body… “I want to be your friend” It took a long breath and replied… “I have been waiting my whole life for this” I read the above this morning on Instagram. So simple… so beautiful. It is time for my mind and body to make amends and to become friends again. I want my mind and body to be succinct; I want them to interact positively, to have fun and to feel free in a loving and accepting relationship with one another. I want the mind to have more confidence and acceptance of the body, I want the mind to have respect and admiration for the body and I want my body to have patience with my mind as it learns to love and accept itself as a whole once more. I want this relationship to be unconditional. My body endured cancerous cells multiplying and invading my lymph system, it helped show me …